The Outsider: Chapter 8 - Plan

The Outsider: Chapter 8 - Plan

Pairing: Leo/Mikey/Don, Raph/By Himself
Rating: R

Summary: How does one cope with being an Outsider of your own family?
For Raph, it's simple. His family is happy: Deal With It.

Chapter 8 Summary: A Simple Talk can lead to Desperate Measures.

You can find the first 7 parts here:

Part 1: tmntraphfan.deviantart.com/art…
Part 2: tmntraphfan.deviantart.com/art…
Part 3: tmntraphfan.deviantart.com/art…
Part 4: tmntraphfan.deviantart.com/art…
Part 5: tmntraphfan.deviantart.com/art…
Part 6: tmntraphfan.deviantart.com/art…
Part 7: tmntraphfan.deviantart.com/art…

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Chapter 8 - Plan

(Raph's POV)

Plan.

Yeah, guess I didn't have much plans today. My body is still out of it as I wake up. But fuck, it is really god damn sore. My eyes roam over the room.

Yep, definitely Donnie's lab. I look over and my left arm is still out of it. But at least it's bandaged up pretty well.

Damn, Donnie didn't do a bad job at all with dat. But fuck, I'm still not outta the woods yet with dis thing.

I can't help but rub my face with my right one. And I can't help but take a long look at my crotch.

'Yeah, I know. No fun for you either. Don't blame me, blame my head.'

I can't help but pause a second at that.

'Well, I mean the other head. The one... Ah fuck it, ya know what I'm thinkin'.'

Great, I'm getting into arguments between my brain and my dick. If I wasn't still somewhat out of it, I'd laugh my ass off about this.

I look around. Hmm, that's strange. Would figure someone would be around to watch me or somethin'.

'If it's one of dem damn dreams again, I'm gonna be fighting back this time. These dreams are assholes.'

I can't help but slowly get up, and my body is being a somewhat lazy bastard right now. I can't help but squeeze my toes as they hit the floor, and I look around in the darkness. Must be late at night. I keep my left arm as still as possible, as my right one squeezes each of my thighs.

And then my hand goes to my face, and I can't help but close my eyes. Picturing some of those touches and kisses from Mikey. Damn, it felt so real!

I can't help but look up at the ceiling and close my eyes, take a couple of deep breaths, and then open them again. I figure a trip to the bathroom would help out, maybe wet my right hand and smooth it over my face and scalp. Water can be a soothing thing fer me. Kinda relaxin' in a way.

As I ease out of the room, I can't help but look around. Damn the place sure looks empty. But not really quiet...

My head perks and I turn towards the bathroom. I blink a few times, before I kinda shuffle towards the bathroom.

Yeah, shoulda figured that out. Churring.

Of course, when I gotta use the damn bathroom is when they gotta act like fuckin' rabbits or something. The noise rolls over my shell, and my instinct is just to turn around and go back into my room. But my legs weren't really listening to me. I shuffle closer and closer, and I can't help but put my head towards the bathroom door.

I close my eyes, in order to listen to their voices and moans. Try to see what the certain sounds they make, and tell who it is...

My right hand wanders onto the door, and caresses it up and down. The moans and churrs in this door make my breaths go deeper, but it also makes my eyes squeeze  little harder.

'Guess that's why I was alone in the room. what da fuck, they can't even wait to see if I was bettah? They had to jump each others' shells in the god damn shower and not even...'

A loud churr caught me, and I could make that out. It was Donnie. Can definitely tell that was Donnie. The other one? More quiet. More reserved, in control.

Leo. Had to be Leo.

But I could only hear two in there, so where da hell was...

And then I hear a cough, and I turn.

Mikey. Standing there with a sheepish expression on the kid's face. And two mugs, one in each hand, steaming up a storm.

"Uh, hey! I was in your room earlier, and I didn't want to disturb you. But I made some chocolate cocoa! Figured I would make two, just in case!"

I can't help but stand there and look, as he looked at me. Those blue eyes poured into me, and hell I didn't know what da fuck to do. Loud churrs brought us both out of it, and when I looked back Mikey had a big blush over his cheeks.

I didn't know what ta think or say, until Mikey said,

"It's got marshmallows."

Heh. Hehehe. I couldn't help but chuckle. Despite every god damn thing in the world, that was cute. And innocent. That's what Mikey was, a ring of sunshine and such. Maybe it was a bit of the drugs and painkillers that I was feeling a bit from before, but I couldn't help but let a little smirk.

I think the knucklehead saw that, because he did it too. I shuffled back to my room, nodding my head towards him. It was enough of a message for him to get, as he followed me back to my room.

Mikey tried to help me back into my bed, but I swatted him away. I was just wondering when Mikey was gonna bring it up. Ya know, the whole 'two brothers fuckin' in the shower' thing.

And he didn't. Just gave me the chocolate cocoa. Kid was right, he fucking overflowed it with marshmallows. Despite that, I looked over at his. And I couldn't believe that he had even More!

"So."

"So!"

"How was your sleep?"

I couldn't help but squint...kinda of a weird way he asked that. I slowly sip the chocolate and watch him.

"Peachy, nothin' special."

MIkey gave a 'hmmm' sound. Not sure if the kid believed me or what.

"So. Guess Don and Leo are busy, eh?"

I was waiting for Mikey to freeze up. Babble. Stutter. But I didn't expect that look in his face. Sadness and yet, a little something else about it. Something stronger.

"Yeah. But you already know that. But, before that...can I do something?"

Mikey's whole 'reaction' thing was kinda catching me off. I nodded slowly, and I saw him put down his cup. Then slowly walked up to me, and hugged me.

Tears. Felt tears on my shoulder, where Mikey was at. When did they start? Whispers of "I'm sorry" flew throughout the room, as I watched him. He had quite a tight grip, but then loosened up when he looked over to my left shoulder.

"Sorry for being so dumb."

I look sharply down at him, and his blue eyes, like swimming pools, looked up at me. I narrow my eyes at him.

"Hey. Don't. And I mean it. Don't."

I'm not much for words, but when he nuzzles my face I can't help but do it back. Man, we used to do that when we were kids, but it had been a long time since then.

He quickly wandered back to his cup and sat down, then stared at me.

"I just...I just had to do that Raphie. And thank you. Seriously dude, thank you."

And I could tell there was no bullshittin' on his face. The kid meant it. Although I can't help but wonder a few things. Killing that guy, the fact he saw me spyin' on Leo & Donnie, and...

"The Deal."

What? What deal? What the hell were ya talkin' about Mikey, you're really confusing me now.

"Remember? Before we went out, on that night? We were going to talk, and I said I would listen. Really listen. And I meant that. So, how about this. We do that deal, okay? I'll answer you, but you have to answer me. Alright? And we'll be honest to each other."

I can't help but let the cup press against my mouth, and let the steam go over my face. I'm really fuckin' dreading where this could go.

"Alright."

I saw Mikey finger his cup nervously, and then look up at me.

"Donnie and Leo have been together for a while now. Pretty, eh, experienced as you can say, heh. Then about two months ago, they came to me. And so, I said yes."

Huh. No jokes. No kidding, and nothin' silly. Oh boy...yep, this is kinda weird.

"So it's my turn, right? To ask something?"

I look over Mikey's form, trying to read him. But I nod. Might as well find out what the kid wants ta ask about.

"How long have you had the nightmares?"

I look up at him sharply. But it didn't seem to faze him. Instead, Mikey had a kinda hard look on him. Damn, is that what I look like when I do that?

"Whatcha talkin' about, I'm doin' fine."

I saw Mikey bite his lower lip, then look into my eyes.

"I thought we were going to be honest with each other?"

I narrow my eyes a bit. I may be kinda fucked up. Well, take out the kinda. But I ain't that much of a pushover. Not yet, at least.

"Whatcha gettin' at Mikey? I said I was doin' fine, and..."

"Fine! Fine!! When I'm seeing you having nightmares day after day to the point you're crying dude, and that's fine? And that's before you're taking a bullet for me, but oh yeah that's just 'fine' or 'peachy'. Like dude, seriously?"

Well, that was sure an angry fit from the kid. But, wait a minute...

"You saw me? How many days? What, you been watchin' me? Spying on me or somethin'?"

I see Mikey fidget a bit. And then I remembered back. The eyes. I remember thinking, and more like feeling, eyes on me.

"You. You were the eyes. Eyes I felt, watchin' me. What did you hear?"

I couldn't help but get a bit angry. This shit was personal. MY personal shit. This is exactly the road I did not want to be fuckin' going on.

'Don't you feel bad for me Mikey. God damn it, don't you fuckin' dare be doing that.'

Mikey said 'Nothin', and I didn't believe him. I asked again, and he said it again but only louder. The third time, he practically screamed it.

Okay, he was going to do that, eh?

"Okay then Mikey, so what if I did? We all get 'em from time to time. Like you and your nightlight. I'm sure Donnie and even good ole' Fearless can get dem once in the great while. So ya want an answer? A while. My turn, right? To ask a quesion?"

Mikey got up and then sat down again. And did that over and over, almost like the kid was thinking of doing something and then changing his mind over it.

"Whatcha really want Mikey? So now I know about you guys, what now? No back and forth and building da whole thing up. I know what you guys do. And if ya think I'm just gonna hate ya for that, it's fine. I ain't hatin' you guys for what ya do. It's yer business and it's cool."

That was the thought that kept kinda growing in my brain. That maybe that's why Mikey was acting 'off'. He maybe felt I'd hate him or somethin'. The kid had a good heart. He really did feel bad for what happened that night. Didn't matter to me. Better me than him gettin' shot. I tried to say that last few sentences with as soft a voice as I could. But I don't really 'do' soft stuff that much. Or well, or whatever the hell you wanna say it.

But Mikey chuckled. Not really sure why, and it was kinda pissin' me off again.

"Dude, seriously? You know...I know I can be dumb. Really dumb. And I have been for a while. I was wanting to see if you'd admit it but, I already get it. Certain looks, and certain things you've said. And you really think I'd be worried that you would hate us because we had sex with each other. Hate us for something real! Hate me for getting you shot because I was being a dumbass. Hate us for not inviting you to be a part of it sooner, or helping you out with your 'nightmares you don't have but you really do' thing! Hate me for not telling you how much I love you a hell of a lot sooner than I should have! It's not fucking cool Raph! It's---it's not..."

And I saw the kid slump down into his chair, and look at me with those blue eyes. Love me? The kid just said he loved me?

"You being alone, you really think that's ok Raphie? That---that's fine? It's not fine dude. And if you say it's fine, so help me dude. So help me."

I, well...was at a loss for words. But this is too damn good to be true.

"Don't Mikey...just, don't..."

"Don't what Raph? Don't tell you the truth? Do you know, that you were my first crush. My absolute first one. Yes, I can admit that dude. Don't tell you that I thought about you, day after day? At times was begging Leo and Donnie to tell you, but they had this whole 'we're not sure if he wants it, let's wait for Splinter and we'll tell him and then' yadda yadda yadda? Even though, to be honest, Donnie and Leo think about you that way as well. For a long time I've been noticing stuff about you. And I know I should have said something sooner, but I really care about you that way. And I'm not the only one, they think that of you too. Both Leo and Donnie, and me too! But I'm tired of seeing you, like, be this way dude. And..."

"Stop it Mikey! Stop it!"

And Mikey froze. I could tell from his eyes that he was confused.

"Just stop it Mikey! Knock that shit off! So what? You now 'all of sudden' had a crush on me? For two months, two whole fuckin' months no one wants to say shit to me. But they come to you, just fine. None of you guys say a fuckin' thing. 'Leo and Donnie want you.' Yeah, so god damn much and so worried that they're now fucking each others' brains outta each other in the shower. After I've been shot, Mikey!"

Fuck, now I was really sounding like a pouty, 5 year old kid that didn't get his candy at the store or somethin'. But that's not what I'm trying to do. I just don't want some god damn Pity Fuck or Love or whatever!

"Just don't treat this as something it ain't. 'Cause I know you Mikey. Ya feel bad that I got shot? Don't. It's cool. It was worth it. Bettah me gettin' shot than you. And don't fuckin' feel like you 'gotta' do something for me. Like a whole 'Poor Raphie, all alone with his nightmares' and stuff. Because I ain't an idiot."

I look over at Mikey, and now he's really confused. Almost stunned, I guess would be the right word for it.

"We both know there's a good reason for it. We both know what I am. You love me like a brother? That's cool. Great, in fact. I really hope so. But don't tell me lies or stuff. It's not like that. Unless me ripping out folks' throats get ya hot and bothered, or almost creaming ya scalp with a pipe makes the sheets wet, there ain't no reason for you ta love me like that. Especially with Leo and Donnie there for ya. Yeah, pissing Leo off really gets Leo's toes clenching, eh? Or blowing Donnie off gets his dick hard, right? I know what I am Mikey. I ain't gettin' in yer guys' way. But just, don't PITY me, Mikey. Don't! Ya feel bad for people, put on that fake smile or that 'bubbly' shit and try to sell us on it...even when ya don't believe it yerself. Don't use yourself like that just cause you feel sorry for me. I ain't worth you doing that to yourself, just for me! Or letting Leo do the whole 'honor' crap thing and settle, or Don do his 'genius' thing and go all Doctor Phil on me about hormones and settling for 'this' and 'that'. Don't pity me Mikey. Don't!"

I couldn't help it. It just all, well, came out. The exact shit I DIDN'T want Mikey to fuckin' hear. I lied back down and closed my eyes. But I didn't hear anything. And I mean, nothing.

And when I opened my eyes, I almost scared the shit outta myself. Because Mikey's eyes were right in front of mine.

'The kid's definitely a ninja.'

"Y--You--You don't believe me? You really don't think that I...I...that I love you like that Raphie? Really?"

That voice was soft. Really soft. And he was so close, I was ready to just attack those damn lips. But I don't want him feelin' fucking sorry for me. Like he owes me because I took a bullet for him, or the other shit. A day, a week...a month later, and it'd just be for nothing. Then one day for one of them to wake up next to me, say sorries and 'it was the moment' or whatever, and drift back to where we were at now.

"Ain't no good reason for ya to do that Mikey. I'm damaged goods."

I don't know why I thought up those words. But it kinda summed me up well, I thought. But the kid just shook his head, then looked at me, then shook it again. Damn, was he trembling or something? Then he ran out, and I just didn't have the heart to follow him.

Yeah, I know. Cold, heartless bastard. Ya think I liked doing that? But the kid ain't putting his god damn body 'up for sale' or whatever! Let alone that damn, big heart of his...just for things to turn sour later on when it all wears off and he sees what I see when I look at myself in the mirror.

I don't know how long time ticks by. Minutes? Hours? Fuck, I gotta at least go after him. Don't know what the hell I'm gonna say, but fuck it. Beats staying on this bed like a coward and shit.

I search throughout the lair. Huh, seems Leo and Don are done with their 'fun time'. Yeah, it seems they went back to Donnie's room. Guess they think Mikey was still watching me or something.

Mikey's room, my room, the kitchen, the dojo, the living room. A big fat nothing.

'Shit, don't tell me the kid ran out. Fuck!'

I shuffle towards the battle shell, seeing if he went on foot or by truck. Still keeping my left arm from movin' too much. Then something catches my eye.

The battle shell, door is open a bit. Maybe the kid hid in there. Probably crying. Shit, Mikey always was sensitive. Truth hurts though, as shitty as that sounds.

I call out Mikey's name, and nothing. Sighing to myself, I walk into the battle shell. Damn, I can't see shit in here! Where the hell is he?

All of a sudden I feel movement from behind. But I'm too damn groggy to move fast enough. And I feel a hand press something to my face, as the other grabs my right arm.

What da fuck? Shit, who the fuck is that? Someone's in here, but how? Where's Mikey? If they hurt Mikey I...god da-amn it...woozyyyy and....damn drrrrruggggsss from damn dooooonniies...fffuucckin....thh....

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(Normal POV)

He sets the turtle down onto the floor of the vehicle. It was pretty difficult, but his determination and skills was able to get the turtle down as fast as possible. He secured the big turtle so that he won't move too much. Taking a letter from his pocket, he moves swiftly through the turtles' lair and puts it onto the kitchen table, and then climbs back into the vehicle.

He takes the cloth filled with chloroform and tucks it away in a safe place. Making sure that the big turtle was secured as much as possible, the engine of the vehicle started with a loud roar.

Green hands pressed hard onto the steering wheel, as blue eyes looked back at his...passenger. Raphael was secured enough so that he wouldn't move that much, thus keeping the big turtle's left shoulder as safe as possible.

Michelangelo turned towards the front of the vehicle, pressed a button that opened up the doors to the outside, and took a deep breath.

And with determination, Mikey started driving out onto the road with one destination in mind.

Casey's farmhouse.

'Raphie doesn't believe me? He thought he was 'Damaged Goods'? He Doesn't think I could love him like that?'

Driving that long drive up to the isolated farmhouse, all Mikey could do was think and occasional stare back at his 'soon to be lover'.

"I knew you'd come for me Raphie-boy. Now it's time to make a believer out of you."

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Chapter 9 is Here: tmntraphfan.deviantart.com/art…